Dear diary, Moment of 21

May 9th, 2023

Dear diary,

Hey there! It's been so long! I've missed writing to you. I'm 21 now! I can drink! Haha😉 just kidding. Coming to 21, It's not just about legally drinking you know? I feel like drinking is just a waste of time and energy. You want to enjoy? there are millions of other ways to do so...alone or with friends. 

Anyway, moment of 21 is like a moment of realization. Like a slap across the face. Not like "Oh I'm finally free", more like "oh, I should be more responsible now". 21 is realizing that you in the end are responsible for everything that happens in your life. 

For some of us life is probably just money 'cuz life is full of time, and time is money. For some others, life is full of time, and life is what you do with that time.

I guess these days we just forget to live. We forget to hang on to the happiness that memories hold for us. All we want to do is earn, earn, and earn. We often need to realize that we earn, and work to earn, so that we can live life. But if we start thinking that living life is a waste of time and that we'd rather work even in the time we can enjoy...then why do we need this life? What will we do with all that money we earn? Should we shit in gold or something? If we don't want to live in the moment but rather just work to earn all the time, what are we even getting?

Ok, let's say I am leaving. Let it be the end of college, or the end of a job, or maybe the end of the world or the end of my life. What, in the end, will I be taking with me other than the sweet memories among the hurdles and hardships of life? There sure are good memories hidden like gems in mud. If we decide to only give light to our depressive times...then our whole life is a dark place to visit. If you're only ever going to hang on to what you didn't get...what will you get by that? Only a mind full of blues. Can't you hold onto all the good memories you had all the while though? Haven't you still had your moments? Don't you think everything happens for a reason here?

We people love being sad....no matter how many good things happen we can't seem to leave that one thing which spoils our mood. We hold onto it so tight that you lose all the happiness you have in your hands.

We see what we want to see. That's what makes a huge difference in perspective, and our efforts work accordingly don't you think so? We shouldn't be spending so much time hating stuff and people. That'll only spoil life and the moments we are supposed to live for. What will we get treasuring 'things' more than our relations and passions?

They say when you're happy anything seems possible. You see? That's what hope and happiness does to you. It makes things possible and when you make something possible, you feel happy! It's a cycle, right? Except, you have to hold on, becuz making things possible isn't always easy, but isn't impossible either. You just have to keep it up. Keep up your spirits and believe in yourself.

You know that feeling? You want to do this and that, but you can only do it at a particular time and now that time has passed, and you have no chance, and you realize you only have one life, and you can't ever get it back and take back time no matter what? 

That's exactly why.... Stop putting off things for later. Let it be work or enjoyment. Live in the moment for the moment. Not for the past or the future.

21 taught me that whatever you want to do, just go for it. Take chances, take risks if it's worth it, but make sure you keep trying till the end, and make sure you always believe in yourself and never lose hope. There's nothing you can't do. Nothing you can't reach.

Alright bud! That's been a long chat with you! I'll write to you again soon. Till then adios amigo!

Dear diary, what are we?

May 16th

Dear diary,

Oh god it's been so long! I've missed writing to you! Today I come to you with a few of my latest observations of the world. I've noticed how in the end no one remembers all the good you've done, they just hold onto that one thing you did wrong. It happens with all of us. We all have been the victim sometime or the other , but we all have been the villains in someone's story somewhere out there as well. 

Here are the ingredients I've discovered which make the world darker. No understanding, just blaming. No communicating, just assuming. No solutions, just grieving over mistakes. No bonding, only anger and misunderstanding. No faith, only doubt.

I've noticed something about myself. Whenever I see a movie and there comes a scene in which someone is making a great mistake, I realize that many people make that mistake and end up ruining their day or career or relationship or what not. Then I start imagining who all have made that mistake in my case, but what I fail to see is that I must've made that mistake too...I might have hurt someone in the same way. I'm pretty sure many of the people around me have gone through this situation but I think, many of them haven't realized how they themselves act as villain sometimes.

Basically the world is full of hypocrites, and I sure am a really big one. Like bro, you know what I do? I tell my people not to do something when I know that it will effect them badly and that I know it becuz I faced it, and yet I end up doing it myself and continuing this activity which I told them not to do. What I need to learn is, we as humans having our own lives need to stop expecting a person to behave as we want them to. A relationship, i.e., any relation, doesn't give us the right to rule over a person, their behavior and their lifestyle ! A relationship is supposed to be betterment and growth of two people with the help of each other's guidance and there is a huge difference between guidance and ruling. Guidance is to show direction when stuck, while ruling is to control, and according to my recent observation and findings😌, no one in the world has the right to 'control' anyone, all we can do is guide. A relation is supposed to make two people feel happy with themselves, not feel lost in the persona they are in.

The world would be a better place if we all stop expecting and blaming others for our mistakes. I wish the world could know and acknowledge and somehow implement it in their life... That's a lot about the world for today, I'll get back to ya next time luv!

Dear Diary, Do I have to accept?

August 4th

Dear diary,

  You know.. most people know me as a very silent person or may even think of me as a loner, that is IF they don't know me😋, but only those who are close to me have seen that I really really like talking to people and to try to make them feel better and stuff like that, but again, it doesn't mean it is easy for me to talk to everyone😶... Shall I tell you what got me stuck? hmm, well guess what, everything I say I filter it all, I mean I think of every sentence and play them in my mind with the different responses I may get, and choose the best one😂, but I still think it isn't enough cuz, frankly I am scared...of what goes on in the other's mind when I say something, like what if they misunderstood me, what if I said something wrong? so there is an infinite loop of this mess in my mind, and so, I avoid talking to new people, especially when I am unaware of their attitudes. My point here is that I need to accept who I am for however I am instead of worrying what people will think of me, cuz what they think is not what I am.

  Um, so that is only one aspect when I need to accept. I want to tell you moree, so here I go...

there are situations in life we fail to move on... or so that is what we say...let me just take my situation. I had a time when I had a best friend, and I also was able to talk to anyone in my class and say all my classmates were my friends... but then there was a turning point, I had to move to USA and that means a changed atmosphere, different attitudes, different way of treating people, I became silent, couldn't make even one friend with my effort. That behavior of mine, went on till the next 7 to 12 years (approx. take or give a few) and I don't blame anyone or any situation other than myself, because... I am the one who let it effect me in a negative manner, and maybe I would've at least changed in two years after moving if I let myself blend in, but no, I was stuck in my past and kept comparing the people I AM around with the people I WAS around and let myself believe that I will never get along. I needed to accept the different people around me, or else, how could I expect them to accept me?😣

   Another point, we all face situations and people we don't want to leave right? we feel especially broken when they WANT to leave us...most common case is losing a relationship, or even friendship...and once we do lose them, we are not ready to hear their name or recall any memories with them cuz it hurts...to remember them. So I thought, it will be hard but with time if we learn to accept it, we'll be able to live life and we won't be afraid to talk without restraint again. We can't always keep it hidden away deep inside us and leave it untouched until one day we burst right? we need to face it and if anyone leaves us, I guess its either they don't deserve us or we don't deserve them. Either we let them go cuz we love them, or we let them go cuz they're not worth our tears. whatever we choose, we need to accept it before doing it. If not we'll just suffer with it, huh.😥

So, its not always accepting what others say, its about accepting yourself for who you are, no matter who leaves you or who says what.

Hmm... I guess that's a lot I've learnt for today. Until next time then! Bye luv!