Dear diary,
You know.. most people know me as a very silent person or may even think of me as a loner, that is IF they don't know me😋, but only those who are close to me have seen that I really really like talking to people and to try to make them feel better and stuff like that, but again, it doesn't mean it is easy for me to talk to everyone😶... Shall I tell you what got me stuck? hmm, well guess what, everything I say I filter it all, I mean I think of every sentence and play them in my mind with the different responses I may get, and choose the best one😂, but I still think it isn't enough cuz, frankly I am scared...of what goes on in the other's mind when I say something, like what if they misunderstood me, what if I said something wrong? so there is an infinite loop of this mess in my mind, and so, I avoid talking to new people, especially when I am unaware of their attitudes. My point here is that I need to accept who I am for however I am instead of worrying what people will think of me, cuz what they think is not what I am.
Um, so that is only one aspect when I need to accept. I want to tell you moree, so here I go...
there are situations in life we fail to move on... or so that is what we say...let me just take my situation. I had a time when I had a best friend, and I also was able to talk to anyone in my class and say all my classmates were my friends... but then there was a turning point, I had to move to USA and that means a changed atmosphere, different attitudes, different way of treating people, I became silent, couldn't make even one friend with my effort. That behavior of mine, went on till the next 7 to 12 years (approx. take or give a few) and I don't blame anyone or any situation other than myself, because... I am the one who let it effect me in a negative manner, and maybe I would've at least changed in two years after moving if I let myself blend in, but no, I was stuck in my past and kept comparing the people I AM around with the people I WAS around and let myself believe that I will never get along. I needed to accept the different people around me, or else, how could I expect them to accept me?😣
Another point, we all face situations and people we don't want to leave right? we feel especially broken when they WANT to leave us...most common case is losing a relationship, or even friendship...and once we do lose them, we are not ready to hear their name or recall any memories with them cuz it hurts...to remember them. So I thought, it will be hard but with time if we learn to accept it, we'll be able to live life and we won't be afraid to talk without restraint again. We can't always keep it hidden away deep inside us and leave it untouched until one day we burst right? we need to face it and if anyone leaves us, I guess its either they don't deserve us or we don't deserve them. Either we let them go cuz we love them, or we let them go cuz they're not worth our tears. whatever we choose, we need to accept it before doing it. If not we'll just suffer with it, huh.😥
So, its not always accepting what others say, its about accepting yourself for who you are, no matter who leaves you or who says what.
Hmm... I guess that's a lot I've learnt for today. Until next time then! Bye luv!
