Dear Diary, Do I have to accept?

August 4th

Dear diary,

  You know.. most people know me as a very silent person or may even think of me as a loner, that is IF they don't know me😋, but only those who are close to me have seen that I really really like talking to people and to try to make them feel better and stuff like that, but again, it doesn't mean it is easy for me to talk to everyone😶... Shall I tell you what got me stuck? hmm, well guess what, everything I say I filter it all, I mean I think of every sentence and play them in my mind with the different responses I may get, and choose the best one😂, but I still think it isn't enough cuz, frankly I am scared...of what goes on in the other's mind when I say something, like what if they misunderstood me, what if I said something wrong? so there is an infinite loop of this mess in my mind, and so, I avoid talking to new people, especially when I am unaware of their attitudes. My point here is that I need to accept who I am for however I am instead of worrying what people will think of me, cuz what they think is not what I am.

  Um, so that is only one aspect when I need to accept. I want to tell you moree, so here I go...

there are situations in life we fail to move on... or so that is what we say...let me just take my situation. I had a time when I had a best friend, and I also was able to talk to anyone in my class and say all my classmates were my friends... but then there was a turning point, I had to move to USA and that means a changed atmosphere, different attitudes, different way of treating people, I became silent, couldn't make even one friend with my effort. That behavior of mine, went on till the next 7 to 12 years (approx. take or give a few) and I don't blame anyone or any situation other than myself, because... I am the one who let it effect me in a negative manner, and maybe I would've at least changed in two years after moving if I let myself blend in, but no, I was stuck in my past and kept comparing the people I AM around with the people I WAS around and let myself believe that I will never get along. I needed to accept the different people around me, or else, how could I expect them to accept me?😣

   Another point, we all face situations and people we don't want to leave right? we feel especially broken when they WANT to leave us...most common case is losing a relationship, or even friendship...and once we do lose them, we are not ready to hear their name or recall any memories with them cuz it hurts...to remember them. So I thought, it will be hard but with time if we learn to accept it, we'll be able to live life and we won't be afraid to talk without restraint again. We can't always keep it hidden away deep inside us and leave it untouched until one day we burst right? we need to face it and if anyone leaves us, I guess its either they don't deserve us or we don't deserve them. Either we let them go cuz we love them, or we let them go cuz they're not worth our tears. whatever we choose, we need to accept it before doing it. If not we'll just suffer with it, huh.😥

So, its not always accepting what others say, its about accepting yourself for who you are, no matter who leaves you or who says what.

Hmm... I guess that's a lot I've learnt for today. Until next time then! Bye luv!

Dear diary, today or tomorrow?

July 15th

Dear diary,

  I know I probably wonder about a lot of things, but right now I wonder, if people were given to choose if today is more important or tomorrow...what would different people choose?

  I have a feeling that very less of them will say today, and most of them will be working hard for tomorrow. As for me, my say would be for today, which is because I want to live in the moment. You know, this doesn't mean I don't want to think about my future or anything...it rather means that I will alot some time to make myself better for the future that is to come, and will plan a path whenever possible, but I won't spend all my present planning the future because then I will always be living in the imagination of the future and there will be no use of me right now. Then even when that future comes I'll still be working for further future. By this I mean when I have a stable job obviously I will work hard to have financial stability for the family in the future, so..if i'm always doing something for what is to come, then what difference will I have in my life from one time to another when its all about one time in the future?

     So basically I'm not saying I don't want to, or will not work hard, I'm saying that I should alot time to plan and work for my secure future, but I should also try my best to enjoy every moment of the present so that I don't miss out on the things that I can only do in the present. Hmm.. feels like a great lesson I've taught myself there😆then I'll be back with another experience next time! Bye luv!

Dear diary, little things are happiness

July 8th

Dear diary,

  It's really incredible how so many things happen to make us moody, and sad or angry, but little things at all times can make us smile, and yet we fail to notice that we do have happiness, instead we focus on the sad moments we had either in the past or worried that it might happen in the future. 

  I'll tell you how I feel? I go for a walk every day, and every time I meet people who know me, the littlest thing as a 'hi' from them makes me feel happy. You know why? It's because it makes me feel valued. Seeing their genuine smile, the way their eyes say they're happy to see me. Of course, I wouldn't say that everyone values these things, but I'm sure that everyone has little things like talking to their friends for an hour or spending fun time with cousins, playing a round of football, or basketball, etc.

  Life feels so much brighter when you focus on these happy moments and give more value to those who give us true happiness, instead of crying for those who don't value our feelings, interests or our consent. Doing that would just waste precious time of our life which we could've spent smiling or laughing with our loved ones, doing what we love. You know.... the world would be a much better and happier place if people realized what they had instead of what they don't.

People just put our words a side by this one line..."you don't know how I feel so you say whatever you want, you aren't in my place" and I honestly get it that you're frustrated that people are trying to make you feel better, but what joy do you get in feeling bad when you CAN feel good? This of course doesn't mean you shouldn't feel bad at all in life, I just wanna say, don't lose the time you have on people or things not worthy. If you didn't do anything wrong, you have nothing to be afraid of, and you most definitely shouldn't put yourself down for it.

 Well I guess thats all I have for you today! Will get back to you next time! Bye luv!

Dear diary, will this ever change?

June 27th

Dear diary,

  I can't seem to get over the fact that almost everyone takes their parents for granted after they grow up into a independent man or a woman.. do parents really have to be so helpless and supportless after everything they've done for their children? 

  No matter how may movies we watch about a grandson getting together the sons and daughters to their grandparents, to remind them of their love in childhood, it seems like people will just keep being emotional, but do the same mistake.. leaving their parents, with many different reasons... don't these people realize that a family and their love is the only thing left with a person till the end of time? so what do they get by leaving it over some fights? 

  You know what I feel?  A family is supposed to be a lovely bond with the strongest knot, that can never be undone...and that knot stays strong as long as we contribute to keeping it up...no matter what problems we may face, or what tries to turn us against each other, or what comes in between, it WILL stay tight if we are strong enough and hold it TOGETHER. Everything will work out if we do it together... why let things come between us and loosen the grip on our strength? There may have been times we hurt each other, but how do we test the strength of the rope without some pressure, cuts, hits, etc. What hurts the most is that some people go too far, that we don't even want to get them back anymore...it's like breaking a whole generation of connection, if you know what I mean...well I'll just hope for the best, and hope for the world to become a better place soon.

bye for now!

Dear diary, am I feeling pressured?

June 20th

Dear diary,

  I've been doing exactly what I thought I shouldn't do, I've been being effected by the people around me...I wonder if there are more like me who feel pressured not exactly to reach a standard in studies, but to reach the standards of being a good friend, or a responsible sibling...

 What I've been doing is actually a common thing, comparing my loved ones with myself...seeing that  they are all doing soo much in their freetime, and not wasting it, and indeed being so very good at what they are doing, while I'm just sitting here watching them and whining about how I'm not able to be as good as them..and that reminds me again that, I should be myself, but then, what if this 'myself ' is not trying to be worthy of anything? What comes then? Well then I just got to apply what I told you before, I should try new things, and keep trying to be good at something, and of course, I have to be satisfied with whatever I do, and that doesn't mean I should stop trying, there's always room for the better! do keep reminding me that diary will you? 

  By the way, I figured I should have a lot of 'me time' which means doing things I like at least once a day. Well, what do you know? I draw whatever I feel, and guess what sometimes it surprises me how happy I get when I'm drawing my feelings... especially with music running through my mind! I wish everyone would find some time everyday to do something they like, release themselves you know? set themselves free from the daily rush. But the problem is people are like, always busy, and if we say find some time all they have to say is we have no time... that is truly when I wish I could be busy too.. so dear, I won't stop until I find something to do with myself. I'll try to get myself busy from now. Don't get me wrong here, I really want to do something useful with the time I have as I've said before. I guess that's it for now! I'll be back next time with a new story! 

Dear diary, can I hope?

June 19th

Dear diary,

  Hope, I guess it is what we all need to keep us going in this world... I think I've said "let's all hope for the better" too many times to even count, I think...my whole life I've been repeating it, like an assurance for myself that everything will be alright. But I guess, always just hoping doesn't do any good, because it would be like wishing corona wouldn't come till us and affect us while we ourselves go out and indirectly ignore the chances of being affected. It's like wanting to get good marks in an exam without writing anything in the exam. I should hope for something to happen only if I do whatever it takes to make that 'something' happen. Hard work always pays off, forget perfection, you just need to do your best. 

  Of course, I can't say "JUST try your best" because it is never that easy, but again what in life comes easy? If something does, then it is not worthy. So please remind me to never say never! lol😶 I should just keep replaying Justin Bieber's song in my mind, it really is meaningful. Anyway, coming back, so here's the thing, I've been hoping that I can become useful somehow in this lock down period, and get my lazy  a** to start working with something, but I've simply got so many things I want to do, like I want to watch everything of BTS, and watch so many k-dramas, and yet still want to have time to sleep properly, lol, and on top of that still want to do something useful...does it even make sense? It feels like nothing, nada, no good change in me. Well...what do you know, all I've been doing is staring at my phone all the day, and maybe even night😜 so I've been wondering, and wondering, and have I mentioned? wondering, what should I do, cuz literally my hope has gone to waste becuz of me😕so, I figured that for now, I can keep drawing all my thoughts through drawings I see as interesting, and sometimes even painting. Honestly, I've heard from many people that they are learning cooking, but trust me I hate it...but I'll have to try that too, at least it is useful for the house😂

  So, I should say I will not hope for anything from now unless I do something to satisfy the standard of my hope😁

  So, my dear diary, I hope to see another day with you, goodbye for today!

 

Dear Diary...

Hey guys! I want to let you all know that from now this blog will be my diary, and I write everything that I find important in life. I hope people can relate themselves and learn not only from their own but also from my experiences that I share, so that you all can live a better life, with a better version of yourself. So from the next post will be my diary entries, hope this diary helps, wish me success in this guys! Thanks for all the support!

Fear

Hello people! I'm back with a new topic! Well I have noticed through all my life I've lived up till now
that every one of us is afraid, or fear something or the other in life, it may be just one or many.....there are even those who give a name to it calling it 'phobia' which again is divided into categories isn't it?
But coming to reality which may not seem easy, any fear can be overcome as long as you keep trying to face your fear. so basically everything comes back to trying. there are different types of fears of course, and different ways to cope and overcome them.
                                               

But I want you guys to know, it's never wrong to be scared of fear something, because as we change, and grow up, our fears also change, I mean we stop being scared of little things but will be scared of new and maybe bigger things....so don't worry everything is for a reason, everything will teach you something new.


     Fears like heights, or stage fear, or fears of depth, or fear of confinement or confined places which they call claustrophobia, then there comes the fear of particular animals, these are all physical fears, while on the other hand there is the emotional fear that generally refers to fear of particular feelings, or people or even exam fear, which arise emotions such as panic or fear of taking a risk in a situation.    

 All these fears are often created due to past scenarios which occurred in the person's life or when we don't want a possible outcome to occur, I mean every situation has various possible outcomes, and some outcomes or results may not be likely favorable to us. So in those cases, we forget about the favorable outcomes and abandon the activity just based on the unfavorable results that MAY occur. This is what I mean by fear of taking a risk. Sometimes taking a step forward will be worth it, because even if the result doesn't turn out the way you want it, you will still learn something from every experience. But most of the time you need to weigh your pros and cons for every risk in life.  You must remember every experience is a learning and a higher step. If you stop yourself from going a step forward you might even miss the positive response that might have come. When it comes to fear, we should keep in mind that every mistake of ours will help us direct towards the right side by letting us know what is wrong and what we shouldn't do. So you should try your best not to be afraid taking a risk in particular situations.

     On the other hand, where there are physical fears, I must tell you that unless you face the subject of your fear, it'll be hard to overcome it. For example lets say I'm afraid of heights, then I should do something that involves activity with heights so that I while experiencing it shall realize that it is not harmful in the way I have imagined, so I will get accustomed to it and will be able to slowly overcome my fear of heights. Then there come the exam fears, or anxiety or fear of an emotional situation taking place again which may have harmed you emotionally or mentally before. So these cases require your courage to stand up to them and do your best and then let what happens to happen. It means you should learn to be contented with whatever result it is, and try your best to accept it, becuz,....everything happens for a reason, and every happening is a learning experience.
        If we talk particularly about exams, just don't stress yourself for the sake of passing as a topper or so for anyone's expectations, becuz that is your origin of fear of exams. And to be honest this stress an fear does the opposite of what you want the result to be. your mind will be more messed up and harder to get your answers out in the right moment. You know those people who do one day batting or something and still get good marks? well they study as much as they can and write it with confidence not really worrying about the result. Well I'm saying this cuz I'm one of them;)

     Let me talk about fear of death, cuz let's be honest, this fear is what leads to many other fears, like heights, or dark, becuz we fear that being at heights might end is up being hurt and may even cause near death, and also we fear dark becuz we don't know what the dark hides. Similarly we fear death becuz we don't know how death is....I've once read that we fear only becuz of the thought of death, but actual death is quite peaceful, you don't need to feel anything, no sadness, no guilt, no happiness, no fear, just calmness, and peace. So all fears just come from our thoughts....it's all in your thinking.As long as you are not afraid to face whatever is in the dark, you won't be afraid of the dark, and for that you'll have to know that the dark only holds your thoughts, in reality it's just blank space maybe with some furniture.  :b 
Anyway, so that's the thing, JUST FACE IT, don't worry about tomorrow, JUST DO YOUR BEST TODAY AND LET EVERYTHING HAPPEN, AND THEN LEARN. :)

Any fear you wanna discuss about please do comment below! I'm open to everyone!